Last night, I laid in bed next to my husband and cried as I told him I just don’t feel like ME anymore.
Let me back up…
Today, my baby boy is 3 months old. And I can honestly say that I love being a mom.
I apologize for the crappy photo quality, but isn’t he just the sweetest baby angel?
There are certainly parts that are really hard. My nipples get sore from breastfeeding all day. I’m usually covered in either pee or spit up. And every day basically feels like complete chaos. But there is so much to love about it too. Leon is so chatty and hilarious. He gives me the biggest, sweetest smiles and his favorite thing is being with me. Watching him learn how to be a human is a legit gift straight from Jesus.
But there have been very few moments when I look in the mirror and still feel 24.
The moment my baby was born and I was no longer pregnant, I expected to feel like the old me again. I knew I would be dealing with postpartum recovery (you can read about that here – trust me, you want to be prepared!). But I figured that after that, life would be different and busy, but I would still feel like me.
If I’m being super honest, I feel like a frumpy & unattractive hot mess most days. I used to go to the grocery store in my tight workout shorts and worry about unwanted attention. Now I go in the store in those same shorts and wonder why in the world anyone would ever look at me.
What an ugly thought, right? That is not something I’m proud to share with you guys. But I know that its not just me. I know that somewhere there is a mama reading this with tears in her eyes because she’s sick of feeling like crap about herself.
TAKING SEXY BACK
For some reason, there is this unspoken rule that once you become a mom, you’re no longer allowed to be sexy. And I think that idea stems from the shame associated with women’s postpartum bodies.
Let me just tell you that if I thought for a SECOND that being a mom meant I would have to hide under a one-piece bathing suit for the rest of my life, I would’ve had these tubes tied reallll quick. (Side note: if you happen to love wearing one-pieces, by all means, do you! As a born & raised Florida girl, a one-piece might as well be a straight jacket for me.)
It amazes me that as a woman in her twenties with a relatively stubborn personality, that I would let the world steal my sexy so easily. So today, I’m taking all those ugly thoughts captive. I’m going to get outside and get a workout in. Not because I need to look a certain way, but because it’s good for me and it makes me feel amazing.
And I’m going to look at myself in the mirror every day and remember that I’m 24 years old. I have no reason not to live life to its absolute fullest. My body may not be as smooth and toned as it was a year ago, but I am sexy! I have a new, powerful, I-pushed-a-baby-out-of-my-body kind of sexiness.
So if you see me around Lakeland in the same crop top and jean shorts I used to wear pre-pregnancy, I hope you don’t judge me. I hope that instead you’ll look at me and realize that being a mom doesn’t change who I am or what I like. It doesn’t mean I have to start wearing loose clothing and skirts down to my knees. And it certainly doesn’t mean that I can’t be sexy anymore.
SEXY MAMAS UNITE
Some of you feel your best with your eyebrows done and hair in perfect waves. Others feel good in their newest yoga pants or when they have on their favorite thrift store finds (shout out to my girl Mercedes!). Whatever your style is, you don’t have to lose it when you become a mom. If anything, you should make it a point to hold on to those things that make you feel amazing.
We mamas need to spend more time lifting each other up. And one way we can do that is by taking some time to understand each other. I know that God has taken me through these unfamiliar feelings so I can be more compassionate towards other moms.
So to all you baby mamas out there, you do you. And know that no matter what, you have at least one mama who loves you just the way you are.
Thanks for reading, babes.