She says, “Baby – It’s 3 A.M, I must be lonely.” (Matchbox 20, anyone?)… But seriously, its 3 o’clock in the morning and I’m WIDE AWAKE. What is happening to me?!
Also, my boob is leaking so much that I’m making puddles at night. Just one boob, not both. And I have a fresh fever blister forming as I type this. Have I mentioned how magical pregnancy is?
The good news is, (in case you missed my post about our Gender Reveal Party), we finally found out we’re having a baby boy! Oh man, we waited way too long to find that out. To my fellow baby mamas, do yourself a favor and find out what you’re having right away. You’ll sleep so much better and you can always surprise your family while avoiding self-torture.
Look at that baby bump! Its seriously growing these days. Which is super exciting and cool – aside from the fact that little guy kicks me all night and my entire body aches. But, no big deal.
Actually, baby boy is having a field day right this second. The phrase “field day” has never made more sense to me. Its as if this guy is having his own party in there, just running around playing kickball and smashing down snow cones. We are way past the stage of little flutters. Instead, he’s rolling around and screaming, “MOM! LOOK WHAT I CAN DO WITH MY FEET!”, as he kicks his legs into the walls of my uterus.
Dear Lord, prepare me for this child.
Remember those long legs from his ultrasound a few weeks back? His daddy took one look at it and decided we were having a boy.
I had (somewhat secretly) been praying for a girl, but had really only mentioned it to Anthony a handful of times. When people asked, I told them I wanted a girl and he wanted a boy. But of course, like all good and decent people, we would be happy either way. Which is true.
But what I wasn’t honest about was that I would get butterflies in my stomach when I thought about having a girl. I never quite put my finger on why, but I had definitely been wishing harder than I let on.
It wasn’t until the gender reveal party that I realized just how excited I had been about the possibility that I would be seeing pink when Anthony hit that golf ball.
I’m kidding. A little.
Apparently there’s a phrase for what I felt – its called gender disappointment. And let me tell you, I did not like that at all. To be honest, I felt like a complete jerk for being upset about not having a girl. I didn’t want to tell anybody how I felt because the super mom guilt was setting in and I was feeling like I really don’t deserve to have this amazing blessing.
But that’s just not true. If you’re a fellow baby mama who experienced gender disappointment, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Life is full of those kinds of moments, and you don’t have to feel guilty if your initial reaction isn’t to be stoked.
What I can say is that the feeling was short lived, and Anthony was so sweet and understanding about it. He reminded me that I’m going to have a little boy who loves his mama more than anyone in the world. And most importantly, that God doesn’t pick the gender out of a hat. He has a plan and a purpose for our baby boy, and he is going to be absolutely perfect.
How could I be upset about that?
Once again, God has humbled me and reminded me that I don’t always know what’s best for my life. He has never once let me down, and its about time I start remembering that.
And someday I’ll have a little girl, and the timing will be exactly right. In the meantime, I have two sweet and wild nieces who are my little best friends. And I have a happy, healthy baby bump that will soon be a real live human that I get to hang out with and love on.
I really couldn’t ask for anything better.